It was a beautiful summer evening and Kings Of Leon were playing a rousing show in Nashville. They were all in the zone that night, with nothing but music on their minds...All except for one member, that is...
"Y'know, sometimes I wonder if music's what I'm supposed to be doing...I mean, I've been doing it for so long...What if there's something more out there for me?"
"Nathan, you're looking kinda spacey back there...Whatcha thinking about?"
"I've been looking into the future, Caleb. And I don't think the band is in it. Not for me at least. I...I need a break."
"Pffft, I've heard that before! Remember when we had to cancel a whole tour 'cause you were convinced that it was your calling to become a professional gymnast?"
"With good reason! Remember when Mom signed us up for gymnastic classes back when we were little kids? I made that balance beam my bitch! Ooh! And all those somersaults and cartwheels! You know, they didn't call me The Kartwheel King for nothin'!"
"Well, yeah...But those were different times, man! You were young and flexible! I mean, when you started training for your Olympic Dream, you tried to do one of those little moves where you tuck your feet behind your neck, and you got stuck like that! A bunch of 8-year-olds from the tumbling team next door had to pull you apart! We had to cancel the tour for 4 months so you could recover!"
"Aw, c'mon man! This is different! This time I just wanna get a job–Something for the average Joe!"
"Dude, no! The band needs you! Remember all the awesome times we've had?"
Caleb: "Like partying with pretty ladies! 'Member that, Nath? Huh? Remember when we partied with the Like?"
Jared: "Hmmmph...I remember that night–That night you bastards stole the Like girls all for yourselves and handed me over to Cory!"
"Well...Those were good times. But I...I can't! I need a change! I'm sorry, but I'm outta here!"
"Fine! G'wan, get outta here! But I'm warnin' ya–If you walk out that door, don't you come back!"
"What?! Nathan? Nathan? Where ya goin'?! NATHAN?!?!"
"I...I can't believe he actually left! Better alert the fans–Matthew, sound the alarm!"
"Ugh. Not this again! It's so degrading!"
"Matthew! I don't hear any sirens! Make with the sirens, or else you'll be out of the band along with Nathan!"
"Ugh...Fine..."
"WHEE-WHOO! WHEE-WHOO! WHEE-WHOO! WHEE-WHOO!"
Meanwhile, as the rest of the world was bemoaning Nathan's exodus from the band, the exiled one himself was starting life anew...As a cashier in the peppermint-colored world of Target.
"Hi there! I'm your cashier, Nathan! How has your shopping experience been with us here at Target today?"
"Nyah! Terrible! They only had regular Cheerios instead of the Multigrain kind, and THAT is UNACCEPTABLE! Do you know what regular Cheerios do to my digestive system, boy? Do you know? I have to drink a whole jug of prune juice before I can feel regular again! So I looked for prune juice–AND YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANY! Hmmmph, and I thought Target was supposed to care about the elderly!"
"It's alright, ma'am, there's no need to worry! Target has nothing but respect and good feelings for the elderly. Now, I'm pretty sure that we have some multi-grain Target-Brand Imitation Cheerios in stock, and I'd be happy to assist you in finding some!"
"Nyah, I see what yer gettin' at, boy! Tryin' to get alone with my wife, eh? Think you can get her in bed with a box of fake Cheerios, huh? WELL SHE WILL NOT BE PERSUADED, SIR! C'mon, Mildred, let's take our business elsewhere! I hear Walmart's got Rascals that it's patrons can ride in while shopping!"
"But Harold! I wanted to ride THIS rascal!"
"Ma'am, please, I am not here to service you in that way."
"Damn right you're not! Mildred, we're leaving! NOW! Good day, sir!"
Meanwhile, the 3 remaining Kings were holding auditions for a new drummer, and things were not going well. So far, only one man had shown up, and while he played a mean high-hat, he quite lacked the youthful appeal of the band he was auditioning for...
"Are you sure this is who we want drumming for us, guys? I mean, yeah, he can keep a beat and all, but is he really Kings Of Leon material?"
"Yeah Caleb, I'm with Matt! I really don't think this guy is for us."
"Don't make this any harder than it already is, Jared! He'll have to do–He's the only man who tried out!"
"But..."
"That's enough of your back-chat! It's our only option! Better break the news to him..."
"*sigh*John, after much deliberation, we've decided...You're in the band."
"OMG! Are you serious?!"
"Yep. Better make it official...Jared, give him the seal of approval."
"I approve this new band member!"
"Oh my gosh! You're–you're really serious! Oh, boys, you won't regret this!"
"Look! I've even been practicing my snarl so I can look as cool as Matthew when I pose with the fans!
"Mmmph...Great. If it weren't enough having to find a new drummer, now I have to deal with Gramps here trying to steal my moves–AND MY WOMEN!"
However, it wasn't just Jared, Matthew, and Caleb that were having troubles. Nathan was discovering that the world of the 9 to 5 was harder than he imagined...
"*Sigh* Ringing people up can be so stressful sometimes! I need a smoke."
"Oh yeah...That's where it's at!"
He was quite enjoying this smoke, when he overheard a secret conversation between his manager, Dominic Q. Glass and the assistant manager, Oliver V. Potter...
"Alright, Potter, has the plan been put into action?"
"The one where we kill off employees and harvest their organs for money and use their ground-up bones to make our Target-Brand Imitation Cheerios?"
"That's the one."
"Then yes. Yes it has. Sylvia in accounting and Raymond in customer services have already been disposed of and are currently being munched on by those too cheap to buy actual Cheerios."
"Yeah! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout, Potter! If I wasn't already manager, I'd be promoting you to my rank fo' sho!"
"Thank you. I am most complimented."
"Heh, hey Potter! There's Don in Pharmaceuticals! Watch this! I'm gonna run him down with my Segway!"
"Keeyah!"
"Whoo! Yeah! Feel the power! Ah man, that was good! C'mon, Potter, let's go in and toast to our victory with a Slurpee from Donna in concessions–And then we can kill her afterwards! And kill everyone else!"
"Oh...My...God. What have I stumbled into? Looks like it's time to play the hero again, Nathan ol' boy."
To be continued...
, here's another on I did:
Kinda like Wallace and Gromit.
x
- but i don't think Matt need worry !!